Being dependent on love from a partner does not mean that you are clingy or “too much”. In the same way as other addictions, the feeling of constant lack of love can be a symptom of carrying heavy “emotional baggage” (Earp, Wudarczyk, Foddy & Savuieschu, 2017). In this article, we discuss 5 reasons why one becomes “hooked on love”. We also look at how this can play out when it becomes harmful to us.

What causes make us most vulnerable to becoming dependent on love from others?

Reasons why one becomes addicted to love

There are many reasons why one becomes unhealthy dependent on love from others. A person who is addicted to love will often find that many factors influence the way they feel and the choices they make in life. Below you will find some examples of possible reasons why someone becomes addicted to love.

1. Living with a dysfunctional family

The parents and the closest adults around us are important role models for what we as children learn is “normal” in a romantic relationship (Earp, Wudarczyk, Foddy & Savuieschu, 2017).

2. Loneliness

Experiencing a lot of loneliness growing up can cause us to feel that something is wrong with us. This is deeply painful and can make it easy for us to obsess over others to try to fulfill the needs we didn’t get met as children.

3. Low self-esteem

Experiences from childhood can also lead to low self-esteem. Children who did not have their needs met or experienced parents who argued or were unhappy together may feel that they are not good enough as they are. Maybe they even feel that they don’t deserve to be loved by someone who is good to them. When you feel less valuable than other people, it is easy to believe that you can only be whole people and feel good again if you are in a relationship.

4. Breach of trust

Being exposed to violent, sexual or emotional abuse by parents, former partners or others you have trusted can lead to you losing the ability to trust others. It can further lead to avoiding true intimacy, adapting to the partner’s needs and looking for someone who can repair or relieve pain.

5. Mental challenges

Depression, anxiety and other mental disorders can often lead to people trying to fill a void with romantic relationships. It can act as a distraction from bad thoughts, because it feels good in the moment.

Now that you have read about the different causes, you may recognize yourself in both one or more of these factors. It could mean that you might be vulnerable to developing love addiction.