The vast majority of couples go through good and bad phases, and major or minor crises. You can often get through smaller crises on your own, while a couple in deep crisis may need help. Major problems in the relationship can, in the worst case, end in a breakup and divorce, and in 2020 there were a total of 19,470 divorces and separations in Norway, according to figures from Statistics Norway .
There are many reasons why couples go through marital crises. Problems can arise in the relationship after having a child, in the event of illness, death in the family, work stress, various forms of addiction and much more. In everyday life, there are so many factors that affect how you feel, that personal challenges can also affect those around you. Then it is extra important to think about how to take the challenges further and home in the interaction with your partner.
We have made a list of five common signs that you have challenges in your relationship.
1. The interest in each other is gone
Interest in each other has disappeared both in everyday life and in the intimate. This can quickly slip into taking each other for granted. In the stress and bustle of everyday life, there may be other activities and acquaintances that will feel more important than the relationship. Lack of intimacy and interest can create great distance in the relationship. It might be a good idea to think about where you see yourself and your relationship in five years. Is this still the person you want to share your life with?
2. The relationship does not receive enough care
Every relationship needs nurturing in order to last and flourish. If you no longer take care of the relationship sufficiently, a cohabitation crisis can be a fact sooner than you might have thought. Many people, for example, experience problems in their relationship after having a child, because the couple’s relationship in a way takes a back seat. In order to make the relationship work optimally, you have to make an effort . Spend time with each other. Set aside a weekend to go away. Be loving, generous and honest with each other. By sharing not only your needs and desires, but also your innermost thoughts and goals, you get closer to each other and achieve understanding and intimacy on a deeper level.
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3. Lack of communication
Communication is the key to a good and lasting relationship. Sometimes, however, communication stops and you forget its meaning. Communication in the relationship is important to avoid uncertainty and misunderstandings . Misunderstandings can quickly arise because a lot is assumed without anything having actually been said. In addition, some may find it challenging to express their own feelings and wishes, because they never learned to do so growing up. Remember that no one is a mind reader and it is therefore important to be clear about what you have in mind and communicate it to your partner. It may be a good idea to constantly practice this.
4. Breach of trust
A breach of trust can manifest itself in many ways. It can, for example, be expressed through infidelity or morbid jealousy. Keeping things hidden from one’s partner is also a breach of trust, whether it concerns spending money, addiction to alcohol, pornography, drugs or other, or engaging in illegal activities. If there is a lack of trust in the relationship, it can lead to feeling insecure and unsure of your partner. Fortunately, trust can be worked on and, like communicating, must be practiced regularly.
5. No common goal
Without shared goals and desires for life, much of the foundation in the relationship can be lost. Many may experience feeling distanced from their partner when, for example, the children move out. Then you no longer have the rallying point that made the family system work and it can feel empty and sad. It can also be a challenge that you have different interests and spend all your time on what you want. If you manage not to look forward to common goals in the future and develop in step with each other , it can be a sign of problems in the relationship.
How to deal with problems in the relationship?
There are several ways to deal with problems in the relationship, and there are several things one can practice to improve several of the points mentioned above. Practicing communicating, expressing yourself and finding common ground is important for improving the relationship. You also have to make time for each other and find ways to keep your interest in each other the same. If it can be experienced as challenging to find ways to start, couples therapy can be a good help.
The goal is to achieve a safe and supportive relationship where both parties feel seen, valued and loved. Good advice from a third party can often help a relationship in crisis.
