We talk about Oedipus complex when the child between 3 and 7 years feels a real commitment to his mother and also a certain rivalry with the father. The boy verbalizes that he wants to marry his mother and also that his mother belongs only to him, showing ownership. That the little ones go through this stage is normal and it is usual to go through it without further consequences, but a number of measures must be taken in order for them to really overcome it.
You have to consider this stage as something normal so you don’t have to worry too much, it’s very important that he doesn’t joke about it and that never gives his game that you are his. You must always set very clear boundaries in front of their possessive behavior, but always out of love and affection. You should have intimate moments with your partner and your child should respect and understand them as something normal.
- 1 How to detect the Oedipus complex
- 2 In which cases should we be concerned?
- 3 When does it start and how long does it last?
- 4 How should one act if the Oedipus complex is detected?
How to detect the Oedipus complex
We certainly all know the typical “mammitis” commonly experienced by boys and girls. It is a case where either gender usually wants to interact with the mother or the father more than otherwise. In general, the “Oedipus complex” is a much more acute phase, where in this case the male child creates certain attitudes that we try to avoid.
In which cases should we be concerned?
La “mastitis” or “papitis” it is present, but in many of these forms it is usually interpreted in a noble way. The concern is exceeded when the admiration is aggravated, has an obsessive love towards the mother and competes with other close males, usually with the father. They are not good dates, because they can give rise to feelings of hatred and hostility and consider his father as a rival.
In the same way, it can happen when the girl observes her mother in the same melody described. In the case of girls, it is usually called “Elektrakomplex” . At what point should we worry?
- When both the father or the mother have to leave and the children cry uncontrollably.
- When do they show acts of jealousy when they observe that the parents interact with signs of affection.
- Or if one of the two sexes, in this case the children, do not stop saying when they grow up, they will marry their mother, because “mother is mine”.
Although the Oedipus complex It can happen from 3 to 7 years. It will be about 5 years when the father stops being a threat and gradually becomes an example to identify with what the father represents.
But if you see that your child starts to behave too lovingly towards the mother and with rejection towards the father, you have to take it rather calmly. Do not forget that it is a natural development process and that when it happens there are no major consequences.
When does it start and how long does it last?
The boy or girl can begin to manifest this complex intensively. between 3 and 5 years approximately. When the children reach the age between 6 and 7 years it starts to resolve spontaneously. From here they already feel fully qualified to give up the place occupied by the parents. Even when children reach puberty, their hormones and sexual impulses begin to direct them to their social environment.
How should one act when the Oedipus complex is detected?
Sometimes it can be the case that the child has constant tantrums and screams at the father, that he wants to dominate the mother and is very jealous, that he has a nightmare, etc. In these cases, it will be necessary to treat the Oedipus complex calmly and as follows:
- Patience is what should rule in these situations, It will help us to overcome everything in a better way, but to limit certain behaviors.
- If the child acts like this, there is no need to ridicule . You should also not attach importance to what he does, even if it is fun or funny, you should not laugh at his actions.
- Never provoke situations in which the child could increase his jealousy, but they should be asked to respect the intimate area of the parents, such as the bedroom.
- If the child talks about “marrying his mother”, you must explain that children do not marry their mother, and besides, his mother is already married to his father. All communication must be in a relaxed way, with total affection, you must help him and not do with him.
- Encourage spending time with dad as a source of fun so you stop seeing him as an enemy.
- You never have to negotiate your child’s ridicule, criticism, or judgment.
- Avoid competitive behavior towards the mother , because that would only aggravate the problem. If moments of intimacy are necessary, you must teach him that he must accept and respect it.
- If the couple has an existential crisis, where it can end in a separation, it is important for the child to see that nothing that happens is his fault. The problems are related to the parents and the child can never be held responsible as a competitor.
The Oedipus or Electra complex has its consequences. It’s something natural that usually happens in that age group and that manifests itself with a change in attitude and behavior that usually doesn’t have many consequences.
In many of these cases, the Oedipus complex resolves naturally and is usually temporary. If some of these tips are not important and are not applied, it can have consequences in the future in the attitude and child’s psychosexual development . The future relationships you have may involve serious problems in managing a healthy relationship.
In these cases, it can also be siblings of the same sex, who behave in the same way and face various animosities between them. Nevertheless, the indications apply to both children . You will see that with these instructions and in time your child will again feel the same love for both parents.